Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Someone asked me once how I could forgive and let go of hurts so “easily”. Here’s the big secret… I have been a big nasty turd myself more times than I can count. I have been wrong, critical, mistaken, stupid, ignorant and hurtful. But those are things I do not want to be. When I have realized what a rotten person I’ve been… in those moments, I’ve felt crushed by the sorrow and remorse for what I had done and wanted to make things right. I STILL want and need to be loved. I think when someone realizes how wrong they are they especially need to feel love, grace and mercy then. I think we need to be made keenly aware of how wrong we have been, to know what pain we’ve caused others… in feeling that, hopefully we will pray that God helps us “mend our ways” that we don’t continue behaving like big turds. Cuz that is NOT what we are, or who He’s called us to be.

I forgive, because He has forgiven me. I love, because He loves me. I don’t “deserve” anything good from God. But, He has been gracious and merciful to me, taking me in as His own child, loving me, training me up in the way He wants me to go. I know what it’s like to need to be forgiven. I know what it’s like to torture yourself over and over, to be angry at yourself for being stupid, and doing the same old, same old all over again. I know what it is to cry out for salvation from those habits and patterns that I could never break in my own strength.

I have spit in His eye and gone my own way, and found the bitterness and pain that behavior always leads to. I have found Him to be the Lover of my soul, faithful Father, best Friend ever. Forgiving and letting go isn’t “easy” & I can’t do it in my own strength. I forgive because I have been forgiven. I let go because I see the futility of my hanging on, and know I can trust God to take care of everything.

So for those who’ve read my note “Thanks!” I just want you to know that I have resembled the remarks I made about those who’ve hurt me and let me down. I have been the offender as well as being the offended. I think we all have. “To err is human”. We seem to have a knack for it.

If we look to anyone or anything other than God, trying to find our security in anything or anyone other than WHO God is… we will fall, fail, and find ourselves perpetually frustrated and wondering “why is this happening to me again?”. So, ease up on all the peeps who ruined your plans. Psalm 37:23 says God orders your steps, so chill. He’s taking care of everything.

There’s no room for self-righteousness when you’re sitting on His lap, relying on His love and kindness. When you see the truth of where you are and how you in your own self are fully bankrupt of any ability to save yourself let alone anyone else, you see that you’re no better than anyone else. When I’m a big idiot and I’ve screwed up, I hope and trust to find God’s grace.

When others have hurt me I run to Him with my hurt, and the process begins…the venting, the crying, the listening to Him say things only He could say…making sense out of everything & bringing a smile back to my face. I ask Him to sort out the mess of emotions I’m feeling (emotions are wild and wonderful, but are shifty, as well), and to give me His perspective on things. I look to Him, not to my self or to anyone else in particular. It’s always HIM that I run to 1st. I do have others (praise God) whom I can talk to, but there is no one like Him.

God’s love is the only thing I know powerful enough to turn a hard heart soft and putty-like. His firm, faithful gentleness in heated moments of intense run-away emotion takes hold of the reigns and settles things down. It’s silly to ask “why?” over and over again, but never take the time to listen to His answer. If we don’t begin to do something different, such as listen to Him and truly learn HIS ways, we will always only have what we have always had… that which we say is not enough. There’s no sense in that when our God is known as more than enough.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Thank You!!!

I’d like to sincerely thank all those who have helped in grow in my journey with God. Special thanks: to those who have rejected me, those who offered me friendship & then dropped me like a hot potato. Thanks to those who swore to be true, but bailed out when the sh*t hit the fan. Thanks to those who have bullied and tried to manipulate through fear. Oh, there are so many manipulators to thank… so many, so many different ways they try to manipulate. Thanks to those who willfully misunderstood and shut me out. Thanks to the posers, the tricksters, those whose goal is to dominate. Thanks to the selfish and the greedy. To those who swear their alliegance to the King but show yourselves to be usurpers of His authority time and time again. Thanks to those who boast of being all about The Way, The Truth and The Life; but exalt their own way, opinions, and perspectives above Him. Thanks to those of you who were not there for me, didn’t have the answers, and didn’t even try to reach out to me when I reached out to you.

Thank you one and all. Truly. Hope I’ve not forgotten or left anyone out. Thank you for letting me down. Sincerely. I thank you because God used every bit of it to aid in HIS purpose in my life. Every time I looked to someone & they let me down, GOD was there & He did not fail me. Every time I got sucker-punched by the carelessness of others, He comforted me and taught me. I still have the scars, but no bitterness of oozing wounds. I am truly grateful for every cut and scrap that drove me deeper into His love. For all the krap that’s been shoveled on me worked like fertilizer in the hands of the Living God. I am His. So, He takes the funky things thrown at me in life & uses them to further the work HE is doing in me.

Of course, most of all I want to thank my Abba God for never giving me the “Utopia” I had so many times asked Him for. (Ya know…praying for everything in your life to line up in a nice, neat, perfect little package for all to see.) Thank You, Papa, for loving me so passionately, so faithfully, so tenaciously, so truly & so deeply that You never once gave in to my pleading to get my way.

Thank You for doing what was best for me, for making me walk through hard places, over rough terrain, making me face my fears. You have taught me what true spiritual warfare is, and it’s nothing I can take credit for. You are a mighty God. The only true and living God. And I will praise Your name forever. Through all the “good” and the “bad”, I have found that Your grace is more than enough. I know where “the secret place” is and how to get there in a heartbeat. I am thrilled with the treasure of knowing You in such a way that I fear no evil (at least not for more than a few minutes). Thank You for leveling the playing field (so to speak) and letting me see there are no “good” days or “bad” days anymore. I am Yours. Now there are only days of Your amazing grace. Much love to You, Papa!!! Jesus!!! & Sweet Holy Spirit!!! And bless all those who have aided me in my journey with You.

Marcy Ellis
September 14, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Riddled With Holes

A Foundation Riddled With Holes

A few months ago, the Lord let me see the U.S. in a way I never have before. I was watching the dvd, EXPELLED, NO INTELLIGENCE ALLOWED. I paused it to talk to the Lord about what I was seeing and hearing. Suddenly I saw in a vision a 3D view of our nation, as though it were a puzzle piece cut out of the earth and lifted so that I could see. I watched the landscape ripple as something enormous and dark moved like a sting ray lurking just below the surface as it traveled across our land. Then I noticed the earth beneath the surface was entirely riddled with holes as if termites have been eating away at it for many, many years. The foundation of this nation is in such condition that the slightest pressure will cause collapse.

I believe the dark thing I saw moving across the land is the principality that rules over the U.S. The “lurking beneath the surface” references demonic activity that has gone virtually undetected for many, many years. When God’s people find contentment in the world they live in, rather than in making God the center of their world (as in, it all revolves around Him), their discernment is dull (at least) and these things do happen.

I am sharing this because I hear so many angry voices shouting about what must be done. But there is nothing that can be done by the hands or will of man to repair the damage that has been done to the structure of this nation. It is not the fault of one political party or another, or a particular group of people. It is the wages of sin. Sin works like a cancer eating away at our souls. As the souls of individuals are eaten up, so is the land they live in.

It’s not only the obvious things. We like to focus on the obvious because it keeps the “spotlight” off of us. Sin is any form of self-idolatry. Exalting oneself… what “I” think, what “I” feel, and what “I” want above God in our lives. Living this way…according to the pride of life, and self-righteousness, we allow the enemy in our midst. Sin is sin. There is no “big” or “small”, no scale from 1 to 10.

This is not a time to blame. It is not time to revolt. It is time for every Believer who calls themselves a follower of Jesus Christ to put their lives where their talk is. I don’t mean in how we vote, but in how we LIVE. We sing songs telling God how He is the absolute best and that we give Him our whole lives, but walk away from our song-fest returning to our old ways…like dogs returning to vomit. Seems we suffer from multiple personality disorder. We cannot whole-heartedly support the American way, and whole-heartedly love and serve God. God’s way is not “the American way”.

History repeats itself time and time again. For every thing there is a season. Every empire, kingdom, and dynasty has its appointed time; and then the power changes hands. Only One reigns supreme at all times forever and ever, and His kingdom is not of this world. If judgment has come to the empires before ours, who are we to expect our nation should be spared?

What we are experiencing is not unique to us. It is the history of the world. God does not support any government or system of man, any more than to use it to maintain some form of control over the chaos of a lost world. To think that He would desire to preserve our way of life above anyone else’s only reveals how little we know Him.

What follows is an excerpt taken from Milt Rodriguez’s most recent blog: “Consumerism or Christ?”
“He made known to us the mystery of his will, according to his kind intention which he purposed in him with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the times, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ. Things in the heavens and things on the earth” Eph. 1:9, 10.
“If you continue to read the letter to the Ephesians, this eternal purpose and will of God should become clear. God wants to increase or expand the sphere of his Son by having a Body for his expression, a Family for his community life, and a Bride with whom to share his love.”
This is what God supports and is working in each of our lives to achieve.

We always want God to jump on our bandwagon. We childishly attempt to take over His work...robed in self-righteousness playing at being Holy Spirit. His name gets slapped onto our projects as a means of manipulating others to do what we want. If we think we will find our security in the masses, we are sadly mistaken. If we seek to find our security in anything other than WHO GOD IS, we will repeatedly find ourselves disappointed and frustrated.

How much time and energy do you have? I know my limitations. I don’t have the time or the energy to serve two masters, to support two kingdoms. I have just enough time and energy to love and serve the One that gave His life for me, the One that brought me out of darkness to walk in His light.

Don’t misunderstand me. I have resembled the remarks above more times than I can count. I only love and follow Him because He loved me first, and He faithfully leads and guides me by His Spirit. The thing is… it seems we mean everything to Him. He desires that we would truly know Him and share His life. There is no one on earth who could make us a better offer…that we should be His sons (and daughters), and He would be our Papa God! 1 John 3:1 What American dream compares to the richness of knowing Him in this way?

The world can rob us of our (American) dreams, but NOTHING can separate us from the love of our God, and His plans for our lives. No one can take away the treasure of “Christ in us”. All else is hay, wood, and stubble. Instead of asking “What’s in your wallet?” as the commercials do, I think it’s time we ask ourselves where our treasure lies. The heart is wrapped up in what it treasures. I hope it’s not wrapped up in hay, wood and stubble. What a waste that would be.

Marcy Ellis
August 26, 2009

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Great Stories

I love a good adventure story. Every great adventure story includes romance, conflict, mishaps, tragedy, suspense, comic relief, as well as moments of success and triump. As you read the scenes described so clearly, so vividly, you’re drawn into new places, sights, sounds. I have read scenes that made me hungry, scenes that gave me a desire to snuggle up with a pillow and blanket, cup of tea/coffee and something sweet as I continued reading. You feel at times as though you’d love to be there, if you could somehow climb into the story and experience it in reality.

I remember a difficult time in my life when the Lord kept telling me that this “place” I was in was not my destiny, but only a part of my journey. He’s taught me that such places serve to drive my roots deeper into who He is and who He wants to be to me. (“Roots” because I’m a “…tree of (His) righteousness, a planting of the Lord, that HE might be glorified”.) I’ve experienced great romantic times with the Lord, and times when I misunderstood Him, and kept Him at arm’s length.

Over the last several years, I have often thought about God being the author and finisher of our faith. Thinking about how He is the author of the story of my life. J If everything went the way I wanted it to go, the story of my life would be boring. Truly a real yawn. I cannot abide a boring story. Also, I think it would be truly tragic, if I were to be the author of my own story. My ideas are never as brilliant as His. What I consider to be a “good” idea doesn’t compare to HIS goodness.

I think about when Martha told Jesus that if He had come sooner her brother, Lazarus, would not be dead. John 11:21 Mary said the same thing in verse 32. Jesus dearly loved this man and his sisters. I think they must’ve been like family to him. Sure He could have come and healed Lazarus & kept him from dying. But the Father had a better story in mind… raising him from the dead. How amazing, fantastic, and spectacular! I have been down inside the tomb they say Lazarus was laid in. It would have been a miracle for the man to come up out of that deep, tight space, and up the steep narrow passageway wrapped in cloth as he would have been. Verse 44 says that he even had cloth over his face! What a great story!

Papa knew that they needed to see how real, how mighty He is and wanted to be in their lives. To know that not even death could stop Him from blessing them and doing what He desired to do in their lives. He wanted to give them a greater revelation of Himself, to bring them into greater freedom in their journey with Him. To bring them to a place of such confidence in who He is that they would not hold back in following after Him wherever He might lead them.

No matter where we are today, it is not where we’ve “ended up”, nor is it where we’ve “arrived”. It’s only part of our story, our journey. He has written, and is writing the most exciting, encouraging and beautiful stories in and through our lives. Each one pointing us to Him, drawing our attention to Him, His beauty, His love and goodness. I hope to keep this in mind as I look at my life, and upon the lives of those around me. I hope to remember that God’s working in each of our lives, with us in the muck & mire, pushing us up to the top of that “mesa”, to help us become that “city set upon a hill” that He has seen in His dreams.

Lord, help me to trust in Your author-ity in my life. Lead me further up & further into the freedom found only in resting in Your love and goodness. I love everything You do. You are so creative, so brilliant! Write on, Lord! Write my “story” just the way You want to.

~marcy ellis~
May 17, 2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Wanting More

(Re: house/home church)
“But it can also be a less-controlled replication of the same dynamic. We’re trying to get from our brothers and sisters what we’re not finding in Father himself. That’s a recipe for disaster. Nothing we as believers can ever do together will make up for the lack of our own relationship with God. When we put the church in that place we make it an idol and others will always end up disappointing us.” From "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore"

There are many of us longing to meet together and live life experiencing the Body of Christ organically. There is a vision, God's vision, being birthed in us. We stand looking thru the veil of our own concepts and ideas, the things we've done before, what we no longer want to do, and see ever so slightly this dream of what the Lord is leading us into. We cannot wrap our minds around it, so we pray that He enable us to grasp what He is showing us.

So many of us are feeling a sifting and a shaking in our lives. It is uncomfortable and unsettling. It has to be for we are breaking free of the old, letting it go, so that we might embrace this new thing... God's vision, His heart for His people. We are learning to be more like Him, as our old ways are exposed for the shallow, pathetic crutches they've always been. There is NO substitute for knowing Him yesterday, today, and forevermore. We don't want to replace our relationship with Him with anything else. We want to dive deeper, to know Him more and more.

We have this longing to know what it is to live with Jesus as the centrality and supremacy of our lives, to know what it is to BE the family of God, and enjoy the fellowship of the God head together as He intends. I, personally, have no desire to meet at home only to replicate what has already been done, or merely have a glorified Bible study. There is a deeper place, a place we've never been in together before.

I want to encourage (my friends) those hungering and thirsting, keep pursuing His face, His voice. Pray for greater revelation and understanding of what He is showing and speaking to you. Pray that He would gather us together with those we fit jointly with. It is HIS dream, His vision we desire to see come to fruition. We only desire it, because HE put it on our hearts in the first place. As we pray, He moves in each one of us, pulling the pieces together, creating the fellowships HE desires to establish.

I don't know how to get from here to there. But I do know how to meet with Him, how to listen & pray. I know that HE is more than capable of leading and guiding us in the way He desires us to go. We have not come this far on our own, but by His hand. I am excited about what He is doing, and what He is going to do. I am excited about the preparations He is making in me/my life, and in the lives of those around me.

Thinking about Habk 2:1-4... knowing that He will make His vision clearer to us, and we will see the desires of HIS heart blossom in our midst.

Lots of love to His Body, His beautiful Church, His darling Bride!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

He Made Things Right

"Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ." (Romans 3, The Message)

It's not only what He did for us then, it is about NOW. This day we are set right with God. This day He rejoices over you (& me) with joy (Zeph.3:17), because he has restored us to himself through the cross of Jesus Christ. :) There's no "earning" it. Forget "trying to measure up". Rather, set your thoughts on who God is and what He has done and is doing in your life. Embrace the gift He's given, and believe that you ARE covered 24-7-365 in the righteousness of Christ. He died to give you this gift. And he rose from the dead triumphing over the power of sin and death. He made us free from the slavery of sin & death. He is alive, calling us to walk with him today by the power of his Spirit dwelling in us. (Romans 8) :)

"What we've learned is this: God does not respond to what WE do; we respond to what God does. We've finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting HIM set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade... By shifting our focus from what we do to what GOD does, don't we cancel out all our careful keeping of the rules and ways God commanded? NOT AT ALL. What happens, in fact, is that by putting that entire way of life in its proper place, we confirm it." (Romans 3, The Message)

"This is why THE FULFILLMENT OF GOD'S PROMISE DEPENDS ENTIRELY ON TRUSTING GOD AND HIS WAY, and then SIMPLY EMBRACING HIM AND WHAT HE DOES." (Romans 4, The Message) I'm no longer trying to "toe-the-line". I am learning to be a child of God. "In HIM we live, and move, and have our BEing."

Monday, April 13, 2009

Who Is God To You?

Who Is God To You?

The most important thing in your life is what you think about God. Who is God to you? Do you see Him as a cosmic sugar-daddy, “Mr. Big”, a strict, disciplinarian-type father? Do you see Him as a cosmic kill-joy? Do you think He’s so loving “it’s all good”? Or maybe, you feel that He doesn’t give a rip about us, or what’s going on down here on planet earth? Whatever it is you believe about God is what has formed your life to the shape it is in today. What you think about God determines your attitudes, and the beliefs that you base your decisions on.

If you could ask Him for the one thing you really need from Him today, what would it be? You need to think about that, because He is real. He does care. And He is the rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Does God seem distant? Is He hard to understand? If the only language you know is English, it’s going to be hard for you to communicate with someone who only speaks French. The Bible tells us that God’s ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. (Isaiah) They are higher, and far better than ours. We get very frustrated when we try to make God like us…pulling Him down to our level, expecting Him to do, and think the way we do. He does want us to get to know Him, to learn His ways, for us to begin seeing His perspective.

We need to know His mind. We need to learn the “languages” He speaks. How can we do that? 1 Corinthians 2:16 says “…Who has known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.” In verse 14, we are told that the things of God are spiritually discerned. Often times we are so earth-bound in our thinking, so wrapped up in our carnal mindsets, that we cannot understand what God is trying to say to us.

Free your mind! Abandon your old ways of thinking and doing. Let go of your own thoughts and imaginations, so that you are able to receive what God wants to show you, to teach you. Sometimes we come to God and are so full of what we think, feel, and want; that we never quiet ourselves and listen to what God has to say. We go to Him because we need Him…His love, advice, direction, etc. He doesn’t need to learn about who we are. We need to learn about who He is, and who He wants to be to us.

In the Psalms, David wrote about being alert to God’s ways. “I don’t take God for granted” he says. “Every day I review the ways He works; I try not to miss a trick.” (Psalms 18, The Message) Farther on, David says “God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes.” David didn’t have his own Bible to tote around, and search through at his leisure. You do (or you can). If you want to know God, if you want to know who He is and who He wants to be to you right now; you need to have a relationship with Him.
Ritual and duty must be cast aside. You need to open up the Bible, ask Holy Spirit to lead and guide you to the things God wants to speak to you through His Word, and read it. Then read it again. Remember, He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Jesus said seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened, just ask and it shall be given. You will find He is the most generous Person you’ve ever known. God wants you to know Him in a very real way. Jesus died on the cross to make the way for us, to bridge the gap between human beings and God.

A few ideas… Begin by asking Holy Spirit to lead and guide you into all the truth. The Bible says He will. He may do this many different ways. A local Bible study, listening to Bible teachers/preachers on tv, radio, on books, tapes, cd’s, and dvd’s. Sometimes you just have to open up your Bible and read until something jumps out at you. God doesn’t always have you seek Him in the same way.

When He shows you that verse, or those verses that really catch your attention, read them and re-read them. Read them again and again, giving your full attention to what you are reading. Ask God how it applies to you, your life right now. Ask Him what He is trying to show you. Ask Him how He wants you to respond to this word He’s speaking to you. Write down the verses He leads you to, what you feel He was saying, etc. These are your notes to refer to later on, to remind yourself of what God has been saying and doing in your life. It will encourage you, and stir up your faith in Him. David wrote about encouraging himself in the Lord. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing, and hearing the Word of God. Writing down what you feel He’s saying to you will help you remember it when you need it later on. Sometimes our “hearing” comes by reading, writing, and repeating it to ourselves.

For example, read 1 John 3:1… “Behold, what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called sons of God…”. Now, let’s chew on that a bit. “Behold”… look at this! Look at the Love Father God has for us… that He would (through the blood of Jesus Christ) make us sons of God, joint-heirs with Jesus! (Romans) Think about this LOVE. Who am I that I should be called a (daughter) son of the Living God? I am one of those spoken of… “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. I am completely bankrupt of any ability to be “good enough”. I have a tendency to lean in the wrong direction without His constant help, support, and empowerment. Yet, He values me, and calls me to walk with Him. J

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for loving me, that just like the shepherd You spoke of who left his 99 to go find that one little lost lamb; You sought me out, bought me with Your own blood, and restored me to the most safe and secure place I could be…in You.

Who are you? Do you realize that there is NOTHING you can do or say to redeem yourself? You can never be “good enough”. Our righteousness is as filthy rags. (Isaiah 64:6) God is the Judge who passed our sentence, but He also sent His only Son to pay our penalty. Jesus didn’t come to make us the “red-headed step-children” of His family. He came to make us sons of God, a kingdom of priests (every one of us) to our God. (Revelation 1:6)

There’s an old song that says “It would have been enough, if He brought life. It would have been enough, if He brought hope. It would have been enough, if He brought power; but He put laughter in my soul.” This speaks of the generosity of God. He gives above and beyond the “call of duty”. He doesn’t owe us ANYTHING; but He’s given us EVERYTHING.

Do you see how just one verse can lead you into deep thought about how God loves you? One verse can lead you into very intimate moments with God. Moments in which you are open to receive His love for you, and loving Him right back. J

This is one way God leads us, and speaks to us. When He says something, it speaks volumes…so much that it cannot be taken in all at once. He’s a patient and excellent Teacher. He will repeat things to us as many times as we need Him to, ‘til we “get it”. He may speak one or two things to you over and over again for months at a time.

You may have the impression that you ought to read the whole Bible. Just thinking about it may seem daunting, especially if you are unfamiliar with God’s word and His ways. (It seems daunting to me, and I grew up in it.) Of course, it is a good idea, and definitely worth while. But follow your Leader, Holy Spirit. There’s no rush to “grow up” in God. And you aren’t going to learn all there is to know about Him, His ways, His heart’s desires overnight. As you keep following after Him, He will lead you and you will grow. J

Read the Bible cover to cover, if you feel led to do so. But, pay close attention to the parts He is speaking to you right now. He’s speaking it to you now, not only for what you’re going through today; but also for what you will face in the future. He’s giving you something solid to stand on, because in life we all face storms that threaten to crush our very lives. God says “follow Me”, not because He’s on some power-trip, but because He’s the only Way. God bless you on your journey in discovering all that He wants to be to you!

~Marcy Ellis, revised April 2009~