Forgiveness

Someone asked me once how I could forgive and let go of hurts so “easily”. Here’s the big secret… I have been a big nasty turd myself more times than I can count. I have been wrong, critical, mistaken, stupid, ignorant and hurtful. But those are things I do not want to be. When I have realized what a rotten person I’ve been… in those moments, I’ve felt crushed by the sorrow and remorse for what I had done and wanted to make things right. I STILL want and need to be loved. I think when someone realizes how wrong they are they especially need to feel love, grace and mercy then. I think we need to be made keenly aware of how wrong we have been, to know what pain we’ve caused others… in feeling that, hopefully we will pray that God helps us “mend our ways” that we don’t continue behaving like big turds. Cuz that is NOT what we are, or who He’s called us to be.

I forgive, because He has forgiven me. I love, because He loves me. I don’t “deserve” anything good from God. But, He has been gracious and merciful to me, taking me in as His own child, loving me, training me up in the way He wants me to go. I know what it’s like to need to be forgiven. I know what it’s like to torture yourself over and over, to be angry at yourself for being stupid, and doing the same old, same old all over again. I know what it is to cry out for salvation from those habits and patterns that I could never break in my own strength.

I have spit in His eye and gone my own way, and found the bitterness and pain that behavior always leads to. I have found Him to be the Lover of my soul, faithful Father, best Friend ever. Forgiving and letting go isn’t “easy” & I can’t do it in my own strength. I forgive because I have been forgiven. I let go because I see the futility of my hanging on, and know I can trust God to take care of everything.

So for those who’ve read my note “Thanks!” I just want you to know that I have resembled the remarks I made about those who’ve hurt me and let me down. I have been the offender as well as being the offended. I think we all have. “To err is human”. We seem to have a knack for it.

If we look to anyone or anything other than God, trying to find our security in anything or anyone other than WHO God is… we will fall, fail, and find ourselves perpetually frustrated and wondering “why is this happening to me again?”. So, ease up on all the peeps who ruined your plans. Psalm 37:23 says God orders your steps, so chill. He’s taking care of everything.

There’s no room for self-righteousness when you’re sitting on His lap, relying on His love and kindness. When you see the truth of where you are and how you in your own self are fully bankrupt of any ability to save yourself let alone anyone else, you see that you’re no better than anyone else. When I’m a big idiot and I’ve screwed up, I hope and trust to find God’s grace.

When others have hurt me I run to Him with my hurt, and the process begins…the venting, the crying, the listening to Him say things only He could say…making sense out of everything & bringing a smile back to my face. I ask Him to sort out the mess of emotions I’m feeling (emotions are wild and wonderful, but are shifty, as well), and to give me His perspective on things. I look to Him, not to my self or to anyone else in particular. It’s always HIM that I run to 1st. I do have others (praise God) whom I can talk to, but there is no one like Him.

God’s love is the only thing I know powerful enough to turn a hard heart soft and putty-like. His firm, faithful gentleness in heated moments of intense run-away emotion takes hold of the reigns and settles things down. It’s silly to ask “why?” over and over again, but never take the time to listen to His answer. If we don’t begin to do something different, such as listen to Him and truly learn HIS ways, we will always only have what we have always had… that which we say is not enough. There’s no sense in that when our God is known as more than enough.